[The.Vulnerability.One]

So this is my attempt to cross off one of my 26 goals for this year. [A challenge that was given to me on my birthday by a dear friend, because she was given the same challenge on hers]

–Make my blog public  Check.

I really struggled with what topic to “launch” my blog publicly. Would I chose a light hearted one, dive right into the deep stuff, etc.

This week at Life group, my leader showed us a video of Brene Brown’s ted talk on vulnerability. Now I have seen this video a couple times, but it had been a while for me. Each time watching it, different comments stuck out or hit home with me.  This time, there was a lot. It was almost overwhelming.  This had me thinking, and the wheels in my head going almost constantly from that moment on.  So I picked to dive into that. To get it all out on “paper”.  Why not start with the big stuff -what holds us back?!

Brene talks about when you ask people about love and belonging they tell you about heartbreak and experiences in which they have felt excluded.  This is something that I am definitely guilty of. I think that it is a defense mechanism of mine. A spot in which there is “room for growth”. It stems from my biggest fear of not belonging. [I know, what am I thinking? Come read my first blog post, I’ll dive right into what I fear the most in life!-Rather transparent] She explains that “shame” is the fear of disconnection.  When you ask yourself “Is there something about me, that if other people know it or see it, I won’t be worthy of connection?” Sadly, that is a thought that goes through my mind on more than one occasion each day.  She says that the difference between those who have a sense of worthiness and those who struggle for it is that those who have it, believe that they are worthy of love and belonging.  This reminded me of a quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower: “We only accept the love we think we deserve.”  At times, this becomes a block for us in the journey of being vulnerable with each other.

Part of the problem is that we tend to “numb” things.  However she explains that in her research she learned that we cannot selectively numb parts of things, like specific emotions.  It is an all or nothing type of battle. You have to experience the hurt and pain and the “bad stuff” in order to feel the “good” emotions.  In order to experience Joy, Gratitude, Happiness, etc.

We are ALL imperfect.
But we are ALL worthy of love and belonging.

I am ready to take on the challenge:

• Let myself be deeply seen
  Even though it is scary
• Love whole-heartedly
  Even though there is no guarantee
• Practice gratitude
  Even in the moments of terror

So this is my shot at making myself a better version of who I am.  Taking a risk of being vulnerable with whoever chooses to read this. To ignore the risk of rejection, comparison, failure, etc.

To believe that:

I  AM  ENOUGH! 

And you are too!

I am excited for this journey, this new step I am taking.
I know my writing is not perfect, but neither am I.
It is about the courage in which I am searching for.

And I hope that over time, I am able to reach someone, relate to others, and be an example of what vulnerability looks like, and the good that comes out of it.